


They rise from the embers

by halseyxkristen



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Drunk Dialing, F/F, Fluff, Lena drives her home, also the entire mon-el thing never happened here. fuck that guy, but its not that simple, drunk!kara is adorable, it gets serious, lena agrees on that. she's completely mesmerized., lena has issues kara has issues, theyre in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-11-12 12:21:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11161731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halseyxkristen/pseuds/halseyxkristen
Summary: It takes a moment to realize that Lena’s the one standing in front of her, a slightly concerned look on her face- which is turning into amusement by now, eyebrows still furrowed in confusion- dressed in nothing more or less than a pair of grey sweatpants and a large hoodie, hair tied up in a messy bun.The brunette crosses her arms and shakes her head at the sight of a drunk, by now shivering Kara, legs sprawled out on the cement, with a ridiculous grin gracing her features.“Oh Kara, bless your heart, what are you doing here by yourself?”Kara tilts her head towards the phone in her lap.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Wild Ones" by You Me At Six would make a lovely reading companion from the point where Kara calls Lena. 
> 
> I don't know if anyone's going to read this, but if you do, criticism is very appreciated.

The bar is buzzing. It's gloomy, soft rock music blasting through the speakers, shouts of people playing pool- one really massive guy with an extremely well maintained green beard has just broken his cue stick, probably not because he won-, the atmosphere is enveloped in the smell of alcohol. And then there's Kara.

The blonde is sitting alone at a table in the corner of the clustered room, having downed several glasses of alcohol. The kind that affects her as well, because she has come to the realisation that being drunk is actually quite fun. At least it used to be, when she would spend time with Alex, Maggie, Winn and the others. Lena included, sometimes. But not now.

Now she’s all by herself, because Alex is on a date with Maggie, and Winn’s got some god damn plans with James. She was going to ask Lena to join her for a night out, but then overheard her assistant reminding the dark haired CEO of an early business meeting tomorrow, and didn’t want to be the reason Lena is exhausted. So she didn’t ask, because she knows if she had, the other woman wouldn’t have refused. She never says no.

She signals the waitress for another round as she downs the contents of her glass. She has to admit it’s not quite as fun as being with the others, but she still finds reasons to glimmer and laugh at random people’s gestures, or simply at the funny form of her reflection in the dusty window besides her.

There is such a feeling of relief that washes over her when she glances at her watch-it’s been a gift from Lena, but she suspects it’s broken, because she can barely make out the form of the numbers. They appear hazy. Lena. Lena’s safe, and even happy. The rate of criminality in National City has significantly decreased these past months. And Lena has such enchanting emerald eyes.  Articles she has written have been praised by business representatives, which is almost as rewarding as the knowledge that she’s saved people’s lives. And Lena’s cheeks are ridiculously soft. It’s ridiculous.

She decides she still wants to know what time it is, because she had planned on doing a Harry Potter marathon tonight, and her Hufflepuff self isn’t going to miss it. So she gets up- realising that she, for some reason, has to grip the side of the table tightly because _holy shit_ , the room’s moving- and slumpily makes her way to the closest table, where a few people are engaged in conversation, laughing hysterically.

She gives a glowing grin as she tips the shoulder of a blue haired girl

“ _Hiii, helloo_ ” the words come out more slurred than she intended “um- I was wondering if you knew what time it is?”

 The girl seems to notice the lively mood of the blonde, and grins in response.

 “Hurried to go home, blondie?” she teases, as the others are still deeply engaged in their conversation, oblivious to the two of them.

 Kara laughs, louder than she should. “I need to know the time in order to answer that question, I’m afraid.”

 The blue haired girl unlocks her phone,  holding it in Kara’s face.

 “Is your phone broken too?” Kara frowns, pursing her lips as she tries to make out the numbers on the screen, but it’s all so, so hazy.

 The girl laughs loudly at the inquiry. She shakes her head and checks the phone herself.

“It’s half past eleven. I don’t think it’s the phone at fault, girl.” She snickers. “Come on, sit with us.” She invites, gesturing at the vacant seat on her left.

 Kara debates for a few moments. This girl seems really friendly.

 “So, you here alone?” the girl asks as Kara takes her seat. The others still don’t seem to have noticed her presence- or they don’t care.

 “Yeah, all my friends are busy and I didn’t want to spend my night in. Or sober.” She laughs again, signaling the waitress to bring her drink over there.

 “Obviously you’ve succeeded in both endeavours.” The girl winks suggestively “I’m Alice, by the way.”

 “Kara.” The blonde shakes her hand “Hey, Alice, do you want to come get a shot with me?” she lits up at the idea of making a new drinking buddy.

“Sure I am. Just tell me you’re not driving, I wouldn’t want to have you on my conscience.” Alice raises her eyebrow, her dark features hitting a more serious sense.

 “Pfft,” Kara breathes out, rolling her eyes as she gets up “of course not. My sister’s fiancee is a cop; she’d kill me.”

 She grabs Alice’s arm and guides her towards the bar. Or lets herself be guided and, thus, avoids falling straight onto her face.

 “So, Karaaa,” Alice lengthens the word, brown eyes glistening “tell me about yourself.  What do you do?”

 Kara hums contentedly, a voice at the back of her head screaming about an utterly inevitable upcoming hangover the next morning. “Part time journalist, full time hero.”

 “Full time hero, huh?” Alice cocks her head “That’s impressive.” She laughs, obviously thinking Kara’s joking. Little does she know.

 “What about you?”

Another two shots of some kind of tequila-but stronger- are placed onto the bar.

 “Full time writer, part time actress.”

 “So that’s why you befriend strangers in bars.” Kara guesses

 “One of the reasons, yes.” Alice nods a bit more seriously “You’d be surprised how many life stories you stumble upon if you only search for the right people.” She teases “Ever met someone like that? Whose story and personality just..fascinates you?” she tilts her head

 “Cheers” they both say as they clink the shots together.

 Kara purses her lips together. She can’t help but think about Lena. And her enchanting green eyes, so alive. And the way her voice softens when she calls her name. The way Lena understands, and opens up to her, and never refuses. The way Lena sees her for what she is underneath the cape; quirky, nerdy, fascinated by cooking but terrible at it nonetheless.

“Actually..” she feels her cheeks flooding with heat, and can’t tell if the cause is the alcohol or the thought of the brunette. “her name’s Lena.”

“ _Leeena_.” Alice probes the word “Girlfriend? Sister? Friend?”

Kara snickers, rushing a hand through her hair.  “Noot a sister.” She doesn’t go further with the explanations. Does she have feelings for Lena? Maybe. Probably. Sort of flooding in them at this point. Especially when she’s hugged a little longer than plain politeness requires, a little tighter. Or when Lena’s being a complete adorable mess, struggling to pick out the olives from her salad.  Or when Kara just nods at the scientific terms she hears when Lena’s  explaining some upcoming project, because although she barely undertands half of those formulas, the brunette’s eyes light up and there’s such a sense of confidence and determination in them that Kara genuinely believes this woman could change the world.

But does Lena know? Probably not. She’s never told her.

“Got it.” Alice smiles knowingly. She goes on to saying something else, but Kara interrupts her immediately

“She’s just such an amazing human being.” The blonde gushes “She’s ridiculously intelligent, and so afraid of opening up to you, but when she does, you realise all the struggle of putting up with her negative moods has been worth it. And she’s got such extraordinary eyes. Like, I’m talking, _magical_ , ethereal forest green eyes.” She rambles “And I just- I appreciate her existence so much. I swear she makes me want to believe in Gods or a God, or whatever, you know?" She laughs, because maybe she should tell all these things to Lena as well.

Lena should know how amazing and essential she is. Lena should know how beautiful her eyes are. Lena should come get a drink with Kara. Or watch Harry Potter with her.

Yeah, fuck a meeting.

"I'm sure she's wonderful." Alice laughs and shakes her head, glancing towards her table, waving her hand to one of the guys. She then checks her phone and texts him to let her know when they're leaving because she's about to listen to some girl gushing about her crush in hopes that she'll get inspired to write something new. Something meaningful. Something that makes her, too, feel the quivering of life underneath her eyelashes when she goes to sleep.

However, by the time she looks up, the blonde seems to have vanished into thin air. She looks over to the table Kara had been sitting at, and notices her coat is missing.

"What a wasted opportunity" she sighs, shaking her head and ordering another beer.

-

"I hate technology" Kara grumbles as she fails to type coherently. Why won't the letters just remain in the order from her brain? If this is the universe telling her not to text Lena, the universe can kiss her Kryptonian ass.

She's now sitting on the pavement, leaning on the wall of the bar, because she cannot walk straight. Why did she have to wear heels?

She decides to call Lena. Maybe afterwards she'll come to her senses and be able to walk home.

A raspy, tired voice answers the phone. "Kara? Is- did anything happen?" Lena starts panicking slightly.

Kara just laughs, because Lena's voice is so soothing.

"Do you know what an amazing person you are, Leeeena Luthor?" She slurs, chuckling "Like, the best I've ever met. Leeena. Hm, your name is funny” she remarks “ _Leeeena_." She closes her eyes, but it makes her sick, so she tries to keep them open as much as she can, but that’s hard to do when laughter’s spiraling up from her chest.

There's a moment of silence, and then Lena clears her throat, and Kara swears she can hear an amused smile forming on the brunette's lips. "Kara, are you drunk?"

The blonde shakes her head chuckling, but then realizes the brunette can’t see her. “Mee? Lena, honey, sweetheart..” she trails off

“Yeah, you’re definitely drunk. I think it’s the first time I get to somehow witness such a thing.” She remarks at the other end of the line, as if she were fascinated in an odd way.

Kara lifts her palm into the air, gesturing. A part of her keeps yelling that Lena cannot possibly see her mimics or gestures, but there’s a more proeminent part that encourages it. She frowns when she shoots a glance at her watch and still finds it impossible to make out the numbers.

“You know, miss Luthor, I really, genuinely..” she pauses for a few moments, closing her eyes and feeling the alcohol disgustingly rising up her chest “ I firmly believe you’ve given me a broken watch. “

“Kara, that watch cost over five thousa-“

“But, but it’s okay” she interrupts “I still love yo- it.” Her eyes widen when she catches the words flying out “I love it. It. It is a great watch. The numbers are too hazy, though.”

She hears laughter coming from the young CEO.

“You know, Kara, I don’t think the watch is at fault.” Lena chuckles

A young couple passes Kara, and one of them- a young man who can’t be more than 20-  stops by and taps her shoulder lightly, a look of worry on his face.

“Excuse me, miss, you don’t seem really well. I don’t think you should be sitting out here, it’s starting to rain. “

Kara looks up, keeping her phone at her ear, oblivious to the fact that Lena can hear the boy.

“I’m fiinee.” She grins lazily, tilting her head.

“Do you want us to call you a cab?” the girl accompanying him offers

She shakes her head in refusal.  “I’m too powerful for rain.” She gives him a thumps up, which urges them to leave awkwardly.

“Kara, for the love of God, where are you?” Lena’s voice is rather panicked now

“It’s fiine, I’m outside the bar.”

A moment of silence.

“In the rain? By yourself? In the dark.” Her voice is serious now, all the amusement and sweetness dissipated.

“It’s fine, but now, back to my point of earlier. Do you know how lovely your e-“

“Kara, I’m coming to get you.” She says with finality. It’s as if she doesn’t even allow the blonde to refuse, maybe tell her she’s going to get a cab or stay for a little longer. “Now.”

And those are the only words she hears before the brunette hangs up.

Kara scoffs. “I didn’t even get to talk to her about her perfectly shaped eyebrows or genius mind.”

She notices the cold pavement is quite uncomfortable, but getting up seems so difficult now. She decides to wait a little. How great would it be if Lena Luthor would come. They could have a few drinks, and she could just look at her, listen to her talk about her obsession with architecture. Lena Luthor is something else. She wonders, for a slight second, what the brunette would say if she heard Kara gush about her.

For a split second, she wonders if maybe, _just maybe_ , Lena feels the same way.

She wonders if Lena’s gaze gets glued on Kara’s sparkling eyes when they eat lunch in her office, the rays of sunlight breaking through her large windows. Because Kara’s does.

She wonders if Lena has ever cancelled plans only to spend extra time with her.  Especially during times like the week Alex was on a vacation with Maggie, and Kara felt all too alone. So Lena made sure to buy tickets for her favourite art gallery, three nights a row. Because Kara has certainly cancelled plans for her.

She wonders if Lena ever falls asleep with the thought of Kara’s voice. Because Kara does.

Before she has time to wonder about anything else, a figure appears in front of her.  She expected dark coat, high black heels and well defined make up, flawlessly straightened hair. Or maybe converse, ripped skinny jeans and a leather jacket.

It takes a moment to realize that Lena’s the one standing in front of her, a slightly concerned look on her face- which is turning into amusement by now, eyebrows still furrowed in confusion- dressed in nothing more or less than a pair of grey sweatpants and a large hoodie, hair tied up in a messy bun.

The brunette crosses her arms and shakes her head at the sight of a drunk, by now shivering Kara, legs sprawled out on the cement, with a ridiculous grin gracing her features.

“Oh Kara, bless your heart, what are you doing here by yourself?”

Kara tilts her head towards the phone in her lap.

“I wanted to call you, I wanted to- you have such nice eyes, Lena.” She slurs, and Lena swears this is the most utterly adorable person she has come to met in her entire 25 years of existence.  

Kara raises her hands, shrugging. “I don’t know why my body won’t listen to me. Just doesn’t want to move.” She grunts

“Come on, let me give you a hand. “ Lena  grabs her arms and helps her up. “See? Wasn’t that hard, now, was it?” she winks

Kara squints her eyes at her.

“I’ll get you home.” The brunette continues, helping Kara get to her car, a black, well maintained Audi A8.

Just before Lena can open the passenger door, Kara stops and, grabbing her hand, turns her around.

“Look, Leeeena. “ she squints her eyes again, blue hues glistening in the slight light bouncing off the sign of the bar. “Don’t do that again. You can’t do that again.”

“Can’t do what?”

“Th-that thing. With your eyes.” She scoffs

Lena sparkles with amusement. “ _This was worth interrupting my documentary for”_ she thinks

“Blinking?” she teases

Kara rolls her eyes. A thing that she learns she shouldn’t do, because it makes her nauseous. “Winking.”

This earns a full hearted laugh from Lena, who then turns to the door and opens it.

“Okay, I won’t do it anymore.” She reassures as Kara gets into her seat. “May I ask why?”

“Because it makes me fall.” Kara whispers, and silently hopes the words didn’t ruin anything.

Lena gives her such a gentle, heart warming look, and Kara swears that even drunkenly, she could swamp into the green in her eyes and let herself be consumed by it.

Lena retorts with a whispered “I’m glad to know that.” Before she closes the door and heads for the driver’s seat.

-

They drive in silence, Kara looking out the window at the rushing city enveloping them; never resting, constantly hectic and so, so bright.

The idea of saying something to the intoxicated blonde besides her crosses Lena’s mind several times, but she doesn’t quite know what she could say.

_I care about you so much_

_The concept of anything happening to you makes my stomach churn_

_I think I’m in love with you._

She resumes to staying silent, because this- this is not the right time. She wants Kara to be sober if she’ll eventually hear those words escaping Lena’s lips and tangling down her breath.

So she looks straight at the buzy night roads, here and there noticing young people clacking their heels on the pavements. She can’t help but steal a few glances of Kara, who seems to be very fascinated by the city lights above them, her sky blue eyes hovering upwards as her head is pressed against the window.

What she doesn’t know, however, is that the moments she is careful with the traffic, careful with not pushing the steering wheel too strongly –because she is ridiculously tired-  Kara’s sparkling  gaze is gently caressing Lena’s features.  They are minuscule moments, but they are there, and they signify much more than either of the young women would realize.

The brunette breaks the silence after a few minutes.

“Are you alright, Kara?” her tone encompasses milk and honey, gentle and caring

Kara meets her gaze, and seeing Lena so vulnerable, so human, eyebags underneath her green hues and sweatshirt sleeves too long for her slim arms graces her face with a grin. She only closes her eyes and nods contentedly.

Lena chuckles, and it’s as if they have come to a silent agreement  of not breaking that moment. Because it seems as if the Universe cares about all the chaos teetering on both of their shoulderblades, as the heavy rain now merges with the song _Wild Ones_ by _You Me At Six_ playing softly on the radio. So they remain like that for the following four minutes, until the sound of the very last guitar string has ceased. Because in such a moment, with the meaningful lyrics of the song and the feeling of Kara’s ice orbs burning into her direction, Lena swears she can almost physically feel her heart swelling in adoration for the girl.

In that moment, she knows that if the world were to perish into flames and ashes, Kara Danvers would rise from the embers and tend to her burns.

By the time half of a following song has passed, they get to Kara’s appartment complex.

“Can you walk or should I accompany you?” Lena offers

“Do you wanna watch Harry Potter with me, Leeena?” Kara asks sweetly. “I was- I waanted a- I wanted to um, watch Harry Potter, have a marathon. Did you know I’m a Hufflepuff?” she laughs

It takes Lena a milisecond to register all the reasons she should say no.

_She has a meeting early in the morning._ But it’s not that important. Not as important.

_Kara will probably fall asleep as soon as she enters the appartment._

_What would Kara’s older sister, Alex, say if she stopped by the blonde’s appartment late at night?_

_Kara’s drunk. Lena should go home; she shouldn’t let herself be so entranced by the blonde’s presence, she hasn’t even watched Harry Potter, because Lilian would never allow it, and then she started growing up and became involved in greater projects, for a greater purpose. She doesn’t even think she would enjoy it at this age._

“Yes.” the word daringly and audaciously escapes her lips before she can think of any other reasons for a firm “no, Kara.”

She parks her car on the sideway, and Kara’s graceful grin is the last thing she notices as  they both get out. Kara stumbles a little, but Lena finds that endearing.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lena trails her fingertips on Kara’s jaw, as the other buries her fingers into her hair. They link their foreheads and both sense what a peaceful moment it is, so they don’t dare to break it with any words.  
> Until they do. "  
> -  
> they watch harry potter. lena's a ravenclaw. kara's a hufflepuff. stuff happens???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, sorry it took so long. been busy with stuff. also got a tattoo!!! can you imagine

The rain is pouring as they hurry up the stairs into the building, Lena holding Kara’s arm gently as she leads the way, just to make sure the blonde doesn’t fall into a splash of water. She wonders, for a split second, if Kara’s high heels are part of the reason for her stumbling walk.

They enter the appartment in silence, Kara stumbling a little with her keys in the doorlock.  Lena gives her a mocking thumps up when she manages to unlock the door, amused by the huff the blonde exhales in response.

The appartment is warm and inviting, as she helps the blonde take off her dark blue coat.

“This body is ridiculous sometimeees” Kara laughs, sky blue eyes tinkling in the faint reflected light of the moon, breaking through her large window.

“Of course it is” Lena agrees, pursing her lips together as an act of pretended seriosity.

Kara grabs the remote and turns on the TV as Lena slumps down on the dark couch, hugging a cushion in her arms. She can still hear the pouring rain crashing against the windows, and it almost makes her claustrophobic in the way it merges with the roars of the hectic city underneath.

“Which movie’s your favourite?” Kara grins as she makes herself comfortable next to Lena, having put on the first one; Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone.

She rests her head against Lena’s shoulder, and looks up at her, waiting for an answer with a grin plastered onto her face.

Lena forgets to breathe for a split moment at the sight of icy orbs gazing at her with such tenderness.

“I’ve actually never seen Harry Potter.” She confesses

This elicits a gasp from Kara, who adjusts her glasses, wide eyes staring at the brunette increduously.

“Don’t look at me like that” Lena laughs

Kara puts her hand on Lena’s shoulder, eyes gleaming but a serious expression resting on her face.

“Lena. Leena.” She slowly articulates

“Yes, Kara Danvers.” Lena quirks an eyebrow in amusement

“Sweetheart. I- How- How have  you never seeeeen this complete masterpiece?”  the blonde squints her eyes

“I just never had time, I think” she stops at that, not giving up the other details. Mainly because Kara’s drunk and she wouldn’t even retain them, so there’s no point in bringing those sad memories up to the surface.

“Well then, Miss Leeena Luthor” Kara taps her nose with her index finger, and Lena genuinely can’t imagine meeting someone more adorable in a drunken state than Kara “we” she lowers her voice to a whisper and makes a pause for a dramatic effect “we are going to watch them. Carefully. I don’t want you to miss a single scene of this utter masterpiece.”

Lena resumes to shaking her head, biting her lower lip. Something tells her the blonde will be asleep within the next hour-at most. And then she’ll silently go home, get some beauty sleep for tomorrow’s meeting. Although it has been starting to fade away from her mind ever since she got the drunken call from Kara.

She’s not wrong. She’s never wrong.

It’s a well rounded half an hour into the movie, and Kara’s dozing off on Lena’s shoulder, soft breaths hitting her neck from time to time.

She doesn’t want to intrude any longer, especially since she presumes Kara’s not going to wake up till the early hours of  dawn. So she draws the white blanket on Kara, tucking it in on the sides, and makes a move to grab her trainers from the side of the sofa. She feels a tug on her arm, followed by sleepy mumbles.

“Don’t” Kara inhales sharply, as if she hasn’t drawn air into her lungs ever since she fell asleep “don’t go.”

The words melt against Lena’s chest; they sweep in between her ribs and she’d want to keep them there forever, crumpled against her lungs so she can inhale them whenever things get too rough, as a symbol of peace and beatitude. Because that’s what Kara is to her. In the moments she’s so close to crumbling down, the moments  she feels like the weight of the world is teetering on her shoulderblades.

For a moment she fears Kara doesn’t mean it- no, because she’s drunk and lonely, she feels the fundamental psychological need for company. She is reminded by Aristotle’s quote that “ _humans are sociable creatures_ ”, and that’s probably what Kara’s drunken state is outlining now.

But then Kara simply lays her head down the pillow on Lena’s stomach, embracing it with both hands as she slumbers back into a peaceful sleep, eyelashes fluttering lightly from time to time.

And that’s when Lena starts thinking that maybe – _just maybe_ \- she means something to the blonde.

So she settles comfortably, blanket now wrapped around them both, and continues watching the movie.

She doesn’t even realize how she started, but catches herself playing with Kara’s golden locks, pale fingers absentmindedly twirling them around delicately. She checks the time, and is startled to find that longer than an hour has passed, and now the credits of the movie are rolling.

She has to admit that she has taken a liking to the characters and the plot. Of course, she’s always known what it’s about, broadly, but it’s different when she actually gets to quirk an eyebrow at that little Malfoy prick’s ridiculously spoiled attitude, or recognise herself in Hermione’s arduous passion for learning. Or maybe even Longbottom’s anxiety- she’s experienced that, each time a project was due and the crippling fear that she’s going to get a poor grade that would disappoint her mother would sink her heart.

So she decides- for once in her life- to allow herself the luxury of watching as much of the series as she can, before she, too, will inevitably doze off.

She texts Ashley, her assistant, making up a fake excuse for her upcoming absence. The generic “I’m not feeling well. It’s the period” one she’s so rarely used. She sends her an email with the files that are to be reviewed during the meeting, and the points that are to be emphasized. She also doesn’t forget to mention an oh-so-formal-and-serious “Ashley, I swear to God, if you manage to keep the other business representatives from constantly arguing with each other and make them settle the dispute in regards to the funds settling, I’m giving you a raise. Cross my heart.”                                                                                           

“ _Almost 2 am and this one is still fast asleep.”_ She remarks as she turns off her phone and throws it away, onto the opposite corner of the sofa. She puts on the second movie, stifling a yawn as Kara stirs next to her, still enveloped in sleep, clunching onto the pillow- _and her wrist_ \- tightly.

By the half of the second movie she closes her eyes for a bit, resting the back of her head against the soft material of the couch, and there is such comfort in that moment, as her eyelashes flutter open from time to time, but it’s getting difficult to perceive everything. She can still hear the heavy rain crashing against the city, its claws buried deep into the surface of cars and streets, and she feels so safe- which  doesn’t happen often to her, the feeling of slumber safety.

She must have drifted off for a bit, because she’s stirred awake by sudden lazy movements next to her. She raises her head and has to massage her neck a bit, as the position she’d fallen asleep in isn’t the most comfortable. She squints her eyes open and notices Kara raising her head, confused.

“Feeling sober, Danvers?” she teases, brushing a few strands of hair from the blonde’s face.

She grins as Kara hides her face in the pillow in embarrassment, groaning deeply.

_“You weren’t supposed to see that”_ she mumbles into the pillow

This earns a heartfelt, sleepy laugh from the brunette.

“It was worth it, though.” She raises an eyebrow “Do you have a headache?”

“Not yet. Definitely will in the morning.” Blue eyes lock with her green ones.

“ _Good_.” She nods, with a hint of seriousity “because I don’t want you risking your life on the pavement outside gloomy bars, Kara, for God’s sake. Especially not in the rain.”

“Oh my god” Kara burrows her face into the side of the sofa.

She then suddenly raises her head, eyes wide.

"Oh my god. You have a meeting tomorrow. And you're here." she gulps

Lena chuckles. "Do I even want to know how you found that out?"

"I heard your assistant. It's why I didn't call you to come for drinks."

_So Kara Danvers would have called her to get drinks together. But she was onsiderate enough as to not bother her when she had a meeting._

“It’s okay, I already took care of that.” She leans her head on her arm, yawning. “It wasn’t that important anyway. Plus, Harry Potter was worth it.”

Kara gives her a tired smile, a pang of guilt still hitching in her breath.

They spend a few moments simply gazing at each other, before Kara breaks the silence.

“I’m quite embarrassed.” She admits to the brunette. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you pick me up, and I’m sorry you ruined your night because of me.”

“Don’t be silly. It happens to the best of us.” She reassures “Plus, it wasn’t really a ruined night.”

_I got to spend time with you. I got to watch you sleep and it has been one of the most peaceful experiences I’ve had in some time. I’ve felt less lonely._  She wants to murmur it all.

“I got to watch Harry Potter for the first time” is instead what she settles for.

Kara’s face lights up “oh yeah? What do you think your house would be?”

She ponders for a bit. She’d definitely not be a Hufflepuff, unlike Kara; there are things she values more than kindnes, as hard as it can be to admit it sometimes.

Gryffindor doesn’t seem adequate either; had it been, she would have long escaped from the influence of her mother, or the gruelling awareness of her last name.

_Her last name._

She scoffs. _Of course_.

“Probably a Slytherin”

Kara, as sleepy and potentially hungover as she is, is still able to notice the bitterness accompanying Lena’s words. They’re cold, as if ice crashes against her breath.  And she doesn’t even have to ask for a justification.

“I wouldn’t say so.” She comforts, taking her hand “I think you’re a Ravenclaw, with the heart of a Hufflepuff.”

Lena gasps. “I am _not_ a Hufflepuff!  No offense.  I might accept the Ravenclaw label. Maybe.”

“What’s wrong with being a Hufflepuff?”

“I mean, there’s nothing particularly wrong with it. I just don’t have that same gentleness.”

“Do I?” Kara raises an eyebrow challengingly

“You have no idea” the words come out just above a whisper.

Kara tilts her head, soft blues staring right through Lena’s green hues. “Your family roots don’t define you, Lena. I want you to genuinely listen  to me when I say it. You are” she pauses, smiling “you’re one of the kindest, gentle and admirable people I’ve met.”

The words strike a chord in Lena. She’s always been praised for her academic brilliance, that’s always a given when you’re a successful representative. But she was so rarely met with remarks regarding her soul. It is rare that people take time to seep into what lies beneath. 

She wishes she knew how to respond, or even accept the compliment without second guessing herself. But she doesn’t know. So she glues her eyes to the screen, hopeful for Kara to drop it.

“I should go” she breathes out as the credits roll. “You must be sleepy as well.”

“Are you attending the meeting?” Kara asks tentatively

The brunette laughs. Of course it’s what Kara’s worried about.

“No, Ashley will take care of it.” She doesn’t let the blonde apologize again, so she continues “I wasn’t feeling in the mood anyway. Please don’t apologize.”

“You could stay.” She hears the words, just barely above a whisper, as if Kara’s afraid they’ll hit too hard and break something. “I mean, if- if you don’t have the meeting. You haven’t seen the, um, the movies yet. I mean, all of them.” She stutters and blurts.

An involutary smirk traces Lena’s lips. She finds the stuttering endearing.

“You’re tired as well, Kara. Really, it’s fine. I’ll watch them by myself. Promise.”

The blonde stretches her hand and grabs her wrist lightly, tugging at her sleeve.

“No. Not happening.” She shakes her head repeatedly “You’re not watching it by yourself. _Nope_.” She pops the “p”, which only brings a grin onto Lena’s features.

“The things I do for Kara Danvers.” She brunette laughs and settles down comfortably. Her sweatshirt is a bit too hot, so she pushes up her sleeves.

“I think I’m going to go change.” Kara sits up suddenly, looking at her black sweater and jeans.

“Yeah, would’ve done that for you, just couldn’t find your princess pajamas.” Lena jokes

She’s met with an obnoxious eye roll and a shy smile.

If only she knew Alex once gifted Kara a pair of pink pajamas, Belle’s face imprinted on them as a joke, but she occasionally slept in them because, well, they were comfortable.. She would never live that down.

A few minutes after, Kara appears in the doorstep dressed in a large t-shirt and shorts.

“Hey Lena, would you like to change too?” she’s already holding a pair of black shorts and a large, red t-shirt.

Lena reluctantly shakes her head. “No, don’t worry, I’m alright.”

She has been taught to be polite. Don’t accept things. Establish boundaries.

But Kara sees right through her. So she doesn’t even insist, she only throws the clothes onto Lena’s head and goes back into the bedroom.

“I’ll go wash up a little, I stink of alcohol. You get changed in the meantime.” She shouts from an other room, the bathroom- jugding by the slight echoes.

The brunette throws off her hoodie and is surprised by the softness of the t-shirt. And it smells like Kara. Vanilla and something that reminds her of cinnamon.

“Done?” Kara asks from the bedroom

“Yeah”

She then settles next to Lena, her hair now pushed up into a lazy bun.

“This Filch guy, the school’s caretaker..” the movement of her head tickles Kara’s neck “and his cat. They’re so creepy, oh god Kara, do children watch these movies without flinching?”

Kara laughs at Lena’s dislike for the character.

“It’s a children’s movie, I don’t think they’re really freaked out by him. You, however..”

Lena raises her head, gasping.

“Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right.”

-

“You know,” Kara starts as the commercials begin, catching Lena’s attention “Filch was a Squib.”

“He was a squid?” Lena’s eyes widen

In that moment, Kara decides Lena’s officially the most endearing person she’s met.

“No, a _Squib_ ”

“Okaaay” she drags out “enlighten me, Kara Danvers.”

“It basically means that although at least one of his parents was a wizard, he can’t do magic. Like, at all. They’re so rare and a lot of the time avoided by others. “

A sad smile traces Lena’s features, but she doesn’t say anything.

“I know, it’s terrible. I don’t think any of us would be any more cheerful if we lost the chance to something like that.”

“I- I didn’t know that. God, that’s horrible. The poor guy. He deserves better.”

She can see the sorrow in Lena’s eyes, those dark green hues twirling with compassion.

“Lena?” she asks innocently, voice just above a whisper

“Yes?” the brunette locks eyes with her, only a few inches lingering between the two of them.

“Can I do something?” Lena catches her glancing at her lips, and unconsciously, slightly, bites her own.

The blonde loses no more time. The word “yes” is breathed against her lips as they crash together, finally meeting after such a long time.

The kiss doesn’t last for long. It’s not like those cinematic, dramatic romance scenes in movies. It’s soft, stealing the air from their lungs, and it’s so safe that they could both linger in it forever.

Lena trails her fingertips on Kara’s jaw, as the other buries her fingers into her hair. They link their foreheads and both sense what a peaceful moment it is, so they don’t dare to break it with any words.

Until they do.

Until Kara whispers “I’m glad I wasn’t scared to do it this time” and Lena mumbles a “for once, a Hufflepuff was braver than a Ravenclaw”

This elicits a heartfelt laugh from Kara, who embraces her tightly, resting her cheek on Lena’s shoulder.

Lena plants a gentle kiss on her forehead, and somehow- they don’t know exactly how- but they end up falling asleep. For good this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to write a third part, like, the morning after and stuff. maybe a date??  
> i don't know, let me know if i should. i'll try to post that one sooner.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean Paul Sartre, french philosopher, once said that we are all responsible for our choices, decisions and our silence. And that we’re also condemned to be free.  
> How inconvenient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. um. hi.   
> hope you enjoy this one, sorry it took so long.  
> maybe listen to some songs by iron&wine while reading this? that's kind of what i listened to as i wrote, maybe it will be a nice reading companion.

“Do you prefer pancakes or waffles?” she shouts from the cramped kitchen, struggling with the heated pan

It must be well past ten, but the bags underneath her eyes don’t seem to care. She isn’t even used to waking up this late- being a morning person has its perks- but considering the way she slept last night, she isn’t really surprised. Not that she’d take it back for anything in the world. Although there is one specific muscle in her neck that would probably kill her, had it been graced with human traits.

Kara pops her head  out from the doorway leading to the bedroom. “Was that a trick question? Pancakes, of course.” She huffs, then goes back to changing her clothes

“Of course it was a trick question!” Lena shouts back, rolling her eyes “If you would’ve chosen waffles over pancakes I’d already be out of this appartment.”

She’s surprised when she receives no snarky backlash, and resumes to flipping over the pancakes.

Her breath is caught in her throat as she feels a silhouette coming from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder.

She turns her head, welcomed by a pair of sky blue orbs.

“You would never, Lena Luthor. You know you’re a puppy in disguise.”

She laughs it off. “Highly debatable.”

Kara stumbles for a moment, unsure of what page they are on, unsure of the certainty of being on the same one.

“Is it okay if I..?” she leaves the question open, and timidly sneaks her arms around Lena’s waist at the immediate encouragement nod of the brunette.

They spend the rest of the time that it takes for the pancakes to be done in silence, which, objectively speaking, is not that long. Two minutes, at most, but somehow it feels like much longer.

One would guess it’s due to the entirety of the time they only tiptoed around each other, both fearful-to a certain extent- not to overstep boundaries they hadn’t even realised they established

“I’ll get the plates. Do you want apple syrup or cream and strawberries?” Kara questions, indecisive as well

“Second option.”

They settle down at the round table, face to face, and it’s such a cliche moment when Kara gets cream stuck on the side of her cheek and Lena brushes it off with her thumb, that it seems like it’s one of those cheesy rom-coms.

And when they make themselves comfortable on the couch, Kara puts on the next Harry Potter movie –because she might have been drunk, but she stands by her words even during sobriety; she won’t let Lena watch these fictional masterpieces by herself.

It’s about ten minutes into the movie that Kara crashes her lips against Lena’s, and they melt around each other, Lena pulling the blonde above her in an embrace so tight that their lungs almost collapse against each other, but Kara wouldn’t want her to loosen up the grip for the world. Lena is warm and soft, and each time their breaths meet Kara is reminded of all the songs by Iron & Wine she’s listened to, in concealed hopes of feeling something like the energy of those songs in her life. Someday.

 The brunette runs her thumb across Kara’s lower lip before pushing her up, out of a sudden. Kara wonders if she did anything wrong; whether her hands wondered a bit too far, or if Lena suddenly changed her mind.  The thoughts stop when she notices Lena looking at her, those green hues seemingly examining her face.

The brunette doesn’t say anything. She keeps looking, tilting her head, the smallest of smiles gracing her face.

“What are you looking at?” Kara asks, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and a slight concern

“I’m staring at your eyes.” The response is simple

She blinks. Once. Lena says nothing more. Twice.

“You’ve seen my eyes.” She laughs nervously, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious in regards to the sudden particular attention

“Yes, but now I can stare at them. I don’t have to steal glances.”

She lazily rests her head on her arm.

“You have beautiful eyes, Kara Danvers. I’m not saying it as an obnoxious discovery, but simply as a statement.”

Kara covers her face with her hands, laughing the compliment off.

“God, you’re already cheesy.”

“I’m not cheesy.” The words are spoken with the curl of her lip, as if the remark was an all too ruthless accusation “It’s an observation. I’m not- I’m not _cheesy_.”

“Right. Of course.” A laugh is stiffled.

“Also, what do you mean ‘already’? I’m always complimenting people.”

“Oh, so I’m simply one of the random people, right? Out of the seven billion. I see how it is.” Kara arches an eyebrow mockingly

“Oh come on,” she shakes her head “that’s not how I meant it. You’re a particularly special one.”

“I’m sorry for ruining you Harry Potter experience. And your meeting.”

“Please, Kara.” She brushes  it off “You helped me escape a dull hour of being surrounded by obnoxious, self-entitled people, half of whom couldn’t care less about their employees or the world, generally.”

“So, do you have any plans or duties for today?” Kara asks nonchalantly “Or are you going to spend it watching Harry Potter?”

Lena’s eyes widen suddenly, and she sits up straight.

“My phone. _Shit_.” She hisses, getting up and searching frantically for the object.

She finally stumbles upon it at the edge of the couch, and is surprised by the lack of flooding messages when she turns it on.

Well, except for one. From Ashley.

“ _Looking forward to that raise.”_ She grins, texting back  a quick _“thank you”_

Kara seems to notice the sudden mood lift.

“All good?”

“Do you know I like you?” Lena blurts out “Like, I like you. If it wasn’t obvious.” She’s still grinning, a couple strands of hair dangling loosely on the side of her face and tired eyes.

Kara approaches her, brushing the locks out of her eyes and tracing her jawline with her index finger.

“Go on a date with me?”

“Now?” Lena inquires, slightly surprised

“Not now, maybe next week?”

The “yes” is lost against Kara’s lips.

“I think I’m gonna go take a shower. I still feel like I reek of alcohol.”

“You’d still count it as one of your best drunk nights, right?” Lena shouts behind her

“Except for the headache!” the reply comes before the shower is turned on.

She smiles to herself as she lays down on the couch, eyes closed, the sounds of the running water emerging through the appartment. The reality of the situation hits her, at last.

She kissed Kara. And Kara kissed her back. And Lena feels like she’s back in college all over again, or maybe even high school. She is, however, pleasantly taken away by the lulling stability of today.

She glances at the white  clock on the wall, noting that the afternoon has approached with quiet steps.

She wonders whether fate exists. Whether there is a divine entity somewhere in this troubled, chaotic and often uncaring universe that, contradictively so, _cares._ She wonders what would have happened if she had kissed Kara a while ago, if she had just stepped upon her pride or foolish nervousness. And she wonders whether this- whatever this is, whatever they decide it to be, after their upcoming date- will last.

And if so, for how long.

She doesn’t want to rush it, in fear of ruining it. She knows how delicate these things are. She knows her tendency to ruin every potential romantic thing she has with someone.

Thoughts spiralling away, she doesn’t even notice when someone opens the door and stops, squinting her eyes at the sight of Lena in Kara’s shirt and shorts, messy bun, eyes closed on the couch.

“Uh, Lena?” Alex asks unsurely, an immediate smirk plastering onto her face when the brunette gets up, startled suddenly.

“Oh, hi, um, Alex.” She mumbles, not quite pleased with the compromising situation she’s in. She runs a hand through her hair, not quite sure what to do.

“Lena.” Alex emphasizes again, eyebrows raised, grinning oddly. “Is Kara here?”

“Yes- uh, yes. She’s um, she’s in the shower. Come sit down.” She tries to be polite, but all she wants is to get out of that room. She knows what comes next. Questions, Alex probably making fun of her.

She’s always been one for privacy. That hasn’t changed.

“So, nice shirt.” Alex remarks, and Lena can feel blood rushing to her cheeks. Which is ridiculous; she’s not a teenager anymore.

“Yeah, I, um, slept over.” Her eyes widen when she notices Alex nodding knowingly. Or, thinking she knows something other than what actually happened.

She feels the sudden need to explain.

“Kara apparently got drunk by herself last night, called me, so I picked her up and brought her home. We ended up watching Harry Potter and falling asleep on the couch.” She intentionally leaves out the other details.

“God, she made you watch that as well?” Alex chuckles

“Apparently she’s very..passionate about it? I don’t quite understand it, to be honest.”

“She finds it somewhat relatable. With her being adopted and all.”

Lena is a bit taken aback by the revealed information. Kara’s never told her she’s adopted.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense.”

The conversation is painfully awkward. She glances at the walls, at the bookshelves, at the rushing city underneath.

Luckily, they don’t have to continue for long, as the shower stops running and shortly after Kara appears, hair still wet, dressed in the same clothes she was before.

“Do you wanna take a shower too? I’m sorry if my alcohol smell got on your body too. “ she says even before entering the room “Actually, I’m not sorry. I initiated it, after all.”

Lena closes her eyes, wincing.

The words did not just come from Kara when her older sister’s in the room. Not when she’s right across Lena,  amusingly looking at her, seeming to try extremely hard not to laugh out loud at the heard words.

A small “oh” escapes Alex’s mouth as she raises her eyebrows.

There’s no time for further conversation, as Kara enters the room and halts to a stop as soon as she notices her sister.

Her eyes widen, aware of what she’s just said.

“Alex, um, hi.” She stutters “How- how long have you been here?”

Alex Danvers is now giving her a smug look, smirking knowingly.

“Not too long, just enough.” She mutters, picking up her bag and searching through it  “Anyway, so I just came by to drop off these last pictures that mom printed out of our trips. And stuff.”

She tosses the photo album on the coffee table. Not a colour choice Alex would make.

She clarifies before Kara gets to ask.

“Mom insisted that we all have the same coloured albums. Obviously,” she gestures towards the painfully golden album “I wasn’t the one choosing the colours.”

“Obviously.” Kara chuckles. Eliza must have been bored to deah lately if she took the time to print all those.

“Well, I’d better get back to Maggie. And leave you two. Have fun.” She winks as she gets up and leaves the appartment as quickly as she can.

They both remain quiet.

“Well that was odd.” Lena breaks the silence with a laugh

“Please tell me she didn’t hear what I said. Please.” She looks pleadingly into Lena’s eyes

“Oh, but she did.” Kara face palms. “Every single thing. And she also complimented my shirt. Your shirt, actually.” She chuckles. Kara exhales loudly.

“I’m never gonna live that down.”

“So, am I allowed to see those pictures?” Lena asks innocently

“What? No. No.” the blonde shakes her head violently “No way. Nope. That album is going into my deepest drawer and will remain there until Eliza comes to visit and I have to get it out just to please her.”

“Ah,come on, they can’t be that bad.”

“They are.” She affirms firmly.

As if it’s the end of the discussion. Little does she know, it’s not.

She grabs the album and tosses it among a pile of books on her lowest shelf.

“That stays there until I clean up a drawer.” She points over the thing, still gleaming in the corner.

She then sits down on the couch and starts brushing her hair.

“May I?” Lena asks with a sheepish smile

She hands the brush over and closes her eyes at the feeling of Lena’s hands through her wet hair.

Truthfully, although it’s been too little time to tell conclusively, their behaviour around each other hasn’t really changed. Except for the making out part, and the blatant eye gazing on Lena’s behalf, they’re acting as the days before.

It makes Kara feel grateful that she can be just the way she used to around the brunette the last time they saw each other, a couple days prior.

It’s not the first time Lena brushes her hair either, but there is some sort of novelty in the intimacy it brings around this time.

“I think I’ll have to go after this.” Lena breaks the comfortable silence “I still have to finish some business, although it’s been good to escape it for most of the day.”

“Paperwork?” Kara guesses at the annoyed tone that’s been used

“Ugh, paperwork.” Lena grumbles, resting her head against Kara’s back.

She’s almost done.

Curiosity is eating at her, and she has to ask. She just doesn’t know how to. She doesn’t want to intrude.

“You’ve never told me you’re adopted.” She starts off, nonchalantly

She feels Kara stiffen at the words, and she almost winces.

“I just didn’t think it was necessary.” Her tone is suddenly rather cold, as if she’s trying to distance herself from the discussion. Lena wonders whether she’s hit a soft spot.

Being adopted has never been much of a sensitive issue to Lena, she’s always regarded it as something not worth feeling odd or embarrassed about.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it.” She reassures “It’s just, Alex mentioned it, but it’s not really important anyway.” She rambles

Kara suddenly gets up, running a hand through her hair.

“I think it’s alright now, thanks.” She smiles, but it doesn’t reach the crinkles of her eyes.

Lena’s a little taken aback by the sudden change of mood, but decides to drop it.

“Well, I think I’ll get going now.” She takes her clothes and shoes. “I’ll bring these back to you after I have them washed.” She gestures towards the clothes she’s dressed in.

Kara silently nods as Lena grabs her keys.

“I’m sorry.” Kara blurts out when they’re at the door “It’s a bit of a touchy subject. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to appear cold.”

“I understand.” Lena gives her a sympathetic smile, taking her hand and toying with it. She then opens her arms and lets Kara shrink into a tight embrace.

A rushed “good luck with your paperwork” is whispered against her lips before she leaves.

***

“Are you kidding me, Alex?!”

“I’m sorry, I really am, Kara.” Her sister’s pleading eyes don’t immediately calm her frustration. “I didn’t know, I-I genuinely thought you’d mentioned it to her.”

“It wasn’t your thing to tell! Regardless of you knowing or not!” she’s sat at Alex’s table, the coffee’s too hot and she’s just burnt her tongue and-

“Fuck, this coffee is too hot.” And she’s irritated.

She didn’t mention her adoption in hopes that Lena wouldn’t find out anyway. Because if she did, she’s ask questions, and she’d have to lie. She’d have to make up a story as to how she got adopted by Eliza, who they were to her. She’d have to talk about foster homes, or some stuff like that, because that’s what happens to _normal_ kids who get adopted.

“Kara, are you actually planning on keeping the fact that you’re Supergirl from her?” Alex inquires increduosly

The younger Danvers huffs.

“It’s not the best choice, but I don’t want to endanger her. You know how determined she is. You know she’d get involved, or _want to get involved_ into the DEO stuff because she’s just that much of a philantrope.”

The thought of keeping such a thing from Lena throughout their, whatever they are, gives her a headache.

“Look, I know I won’t be able to keep this from her forever. I just need some time to come up with a strategy that will convince her not to get involved into all of this. This-this hero stuff.”

The thought of Lena getting hurt, _getting killed_ because of the dangers she’d be exposed to makes her sick to her stomach.

Alex nods understandingly.

“I get it. I do.” She rubs Kara’s shoulder supportively “But Kara, the more you wait, the worse it becomes. It will affect your relationship, and don’t deny it, you know that’s the direction you two are heading towards. It’s easier to just tell her now, in the beginning, than wait and end up making it a bigger deal than it already is.”

“I just don’t want her to get hurt.” Kara sighs “Ignorance is bliss, you know?”

“Okay, let me stop you right there.” Alex argues as she takes a sip from her coffee “Ignorance? It’s not bliss. Not in this case, where eventual knowledge is inevitable. I also think you should give her the chance to decide if she wants to get involved or not, and if she does, you’ll have to respect and support that decision even if it gives you migraines whenever she does something regarding this hero thing.” Another sip “Just- just don’t try to control something that shouldn’t even be in your power to.”

“I’m being an asshole.” She admits

“God, no.” Alex hugs her “I mean, yes, kind of. But it comes from a place of love.”

“I really don’t want to mess this up.”

“You won’t. You won’t.”

“I just need some time.”

But she doesn’t finish the sentence. Not the one she’s been repeating in her head.

_“I just need some time to decide whether to give this a shot. Whether it’s worth it. Her safety versus what we could be. “_

She gazes out the window at the hectic city beneath. Countless unknown figures rushing throughout the streets, so oblivious to the potential disasters surrounding them at each minute. She’s saved some of them, she’s sure of that. She thinks of the appreciation and love she feels towards mankind, how much their wellbeing matters to her. She thinks of all the things she’d sacrifice for them. Of all the things she already has. And she would do it all over again.

Her and Lena haven’t even started this properly. They haven’t even been on a date yet, but she’s starting to wonder if this will be on top of the list of the sacrifices she’s made in order to keep her identity secret. In order to keep others safe.

In order to keep Lena safe.

She doesn’t want to make a decision right now. She knows she’s being controlling, toxic even.

She hopes a long bath will make the decision for her, even though she knows that’s all it is. Hope.

God, why hasn’t she considered this issue before? She can’t believe she’s repressed it so hard that she ended up ignoring it.

Jean Paul Sartre, french philosopher has once said that we are all responsible for our choices, and our silence. And that we’re also condemned to be free.

How inconvenient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, kara has issues. i'm actually surprised as to how this chapter turned out, i didn't intend it like this, but it just sort of, happened. i'm sorry if they did out-of-character things, i just like to explore stuff with the characters.
> 
> i think i'm going to write a next part, where they probably go on a date and sort stuff out, maybe? there might be a little angst, but hey, they'll still be endgame i think. 99% convinced they'll be endgame. 
> 
> have a lovely day!


	4. high hopes/no hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kara?” The inquiry is only above a whisper  
> “Yes?” she doesn’t risk raising her voice any higher  
> “Don’t break my heart, please.”

_She’d rarely get bullied in school. There was one specific freckled, dirty blond boy in her Chemistry class that used to call her names; that her glasses weren’t suited for the size of her head, and that made her a raging giant, or that her eyebrows were too bushy, which so conveniently made her a “yeti”._

_It only lasted for a couple days, though. Alex found out, and the poor boy didn’t even get to apologize before her fist was plastered into his face. She ended up leaving a bloody bruise, and it was the only time in her entire school experience that she got a warning from a teacher._

_Kara had been, obviously so for a fourteen year old, rather upset afterwards. Three entire days- three entire fourteen-year-old-worth days, one can imagine the excruciating length- and Alex’s hugs were comfortable and warm, but they didn’t quite manage to scoop the sadness out of her chest rightaway._

_“There are very few things that a warm, long bath can’t fix, Kara” was Eliza’s advice, and oh was she right._

The rushing warm water seems more comforting than ever. Her cramped bathroom is glistening with steam, and she thinks there is something inherently symbolic about stripping down layers of clothes and emerging one’s body among heaps of bubbles; there is something that whispers the idea of soul-cleansing between the rushing, everchanging thoughts that occur as she gently rubs her sponge over her collarbones and the curve of her hip.

She doesn’t know for how long she stays in the water, eyes closed, envisioning small nothings from her childhood and following years- like that one time she and Alex decided to go fishing, only to sit there for a good hour and realise she hasn’t stuck any bait to the fishing rod- but it’s not until she feels shivers running down her spine that she decides it’s been enough. Her golden locks aren’t even dripping anymore.

She wraps a towel around her body and plugs her phone out of the charger.

A feeling of surprise hits her as she notices the time- half past midnight. She stayed at Alex’s place longer than intended, and her way home is a complete blur. The only thing she would focus on was the upcoming bath, but not that her temporary escape route is gone she has to face the reality of her thoughts: Lena.

As if on cue, a message pops up on her screen.

**Lena: have a good night, hufflepuff.**

She is supposed to text back. They had developed the endearing habit of texting each other good night afew months ago, she doesn’t even really know how it came to be, and it feels nice to see that Lena sticks to it. She’s leant that Lena will text her right after arriving home from work, and she often has long nights. It appears today was one of them. No wonder, since she spent most of her day at Kara’s.

She’s supposed to reply. Instead she can’t bring herself to do anything more than swipe off the notification and turn off her phone.

She throws herself onto the bed, exhaling loudly, rubbing her eyes.

This is serious. Is there a slight chance that she’s overthinking everything? Definitely. Does that mean telling Lena would be the best option? Not really.

She can’t keep the image of Lena being hurt out of her head. Of some psychopath noticing how close and affectionate Supergirl and the CEO of L Corp would suddenly become and kidnapping her, hurting her, killing her.

It happened  to Alex. She still feels the throbbing pressure on her chest if she thinks about those excruciating twenty four hours and the oxygen being slowly drained away from her sister’s lungs, all because that horrible man knew who she was to Supergirl.

All because he knew  Supergirl’s identity.

She can already imagine it happening all over again. Receiving an anonymus phone call  saying that Lena’s been taken away, _because Supergirl, we noticed how close you’ve become, we know who she is to you._

Horrenduous wounds lying on Lena’s body, on Lena’s mind. Her being tortured. All because she knew Supergirl’s identity and treated her the same way she treats Kara, because, well, they’re the same person now.

She still blames herself for nearly losing Alex the last year. However irrational it may seem, it was, indirectly speaking, her fault.

She doesn’t want another potential guilt hanging onto her gut every time she gets a call from a number that’s not saved in her contacts.

She changes into a large shirt and boxers, tucking herself into bed. She’s supposed to have brunch with Alex and Maggie tomorrow.

She thinks of them for a while; how warm and free they are around each other, how much they uplift each other. She thinks of how Alex’s face completely lights up whenever Maggie drops by at the DEO, and how she turns into a literal sunshine around her fiancee. How comforting, how life-saving that kind of love must be, especially in the whirlwind of all the horrors of their chaotic world.

Kara’s not stupid; she knows a relationship with Lena wouldn’t work unless she’s honest. There are only so many excuses for cancelled dates due to robberies in the other side of the city or another alien attack.

She’s just not sure if she’s willing to gamble Lena’s safety against what the sentimental decision would be.

But at the same time, she knows how happy Lena makes her. She knows how finding a person that gets her, despite their contrasting differences sometimes, a person that listens and doesn’t stop talking about something simply because Kara doesn’t undertand the topic, but instead explains it and then goes further.. It’s not something you stumble upon every day.

And, truthfully, she wishes that for herself. She wants a love like that.

She also knows how well she could love and care for Lena, if only it weren’t for her hero-underneath-this-shirt status.

///

 “First of all, Kara, Lena’s not yours to decide for. Honestly, you shouldn’t have started becoming all close and personal with her if you knew you’d have an issue with telling her you’re the city’s goddamn hero.” Maggie states, her eyebrows raised and lips pursed.

Kara simply looks down at her plate, fidgeting with her omlette. Her coffee is too sweet for her liking this morning, and Lena hasn’t escaped  her mind. She feels bad for not answering to that text.

She feels like a child.

“I don’t think you’re trusting her enough.” Alex intervenes, taking a sip of her coffee. “God, this coffee is horrible. Maggie, did they forget to put sugar in yours as well?”

She perks up and grabs the cup from Alex’s hands.

“I think they reversed our orders.” She sighs at the oddly pleasant, bitter taste the liquid leaves in her mouth

Alex pulls a face as a response to her sister’s words, to Maggie’s delight, who sneakily snaps a picture.

_This is the kind of  love I could have._

She can’t abtain from imagining such times with Lena, times with Lena wiping off the cream from the corner of her mouth, and then understanding and kissing Kara goodbye when something comes up and she has to fulfill her duty of saving people.

And then she immediately remembers how devastated Maggie was in those tiny moments during which she spotted Alex’s seemingly lifeless body in the water. How anxious she had been all the way there, how nerve-wrecking the tears brimming in her eyes were as she argued with Kara on the best way to save Alex.

All because the kidnapper knew who Supergirl was.

“Kara, I get it, you want to protect her. But need I remind you who her mother is? Who her brother was? The woman’s probably been surrounded by danger even before she’d learnt how to ice-skate properly.”

_Fair point_

She glares at Alex. “So that means she needs another danger to just hang above her head, doesn’t it?” she raises her eyebrows, slightly irritated “I-I can’t save everyone!”

“I don’t think it’s up to you to decide.” Alex says it in a this-is-the-end-of-the-discussion kind of way. She’s always had that way with words, that imposing attitude that arises during the times she thinks Kara’s being irrational.

She pushes her plate aside and gets up, grabbing her purse from the table.

“I’d love to stay here and keep having contradictory discussions but I have to go.” She mumbles as she takes out  a bill of 20 dollars and leaves it on the table.

She doesn’t wait for either of them to respond before storming out, leaving behind two confused Alex and Maggies.

///

She channels her entire negative energy towards beating up three criminals who tried to rob a bank. She breaks one’s arm, leaving him unconscious on the street. The other two try to run away and she almost enjoys seeing them scared out of their minds when she traps them in a dead end. She lifts one up into the air and notices the horrified look on his face.

“Let- let me down, please!” he screams as she’s holding him by his neck, disgusted by his lack of morality

“I can’t believe a scumbag’s like you is part of the reason I can’t be with her” she spits and has to keep herself from throwing him into the traffic.

She puts him down as the police sirens are approaching.

“Deal with them.” She says to Maggie, then flies off.

It’s the next day that she learns, from Maggie, that the men trying to rob the bank were doing so with the purpose of having enough money for the surgeries of the two kids of one of them. They were suffering of cancer, and apparently the three of them-who were brothers- had given  so much of their money for the treatment and hospital nights, including one of them –the father, the one she lifted into the air- having had to quit his job to take care of the kids, that they couldn’t even afford lawyers now.

They were people who decided to do something horrible in order to save the ones they loved.

And she accused him of his lack of morality, but it was the moral thing, from his standpoint.

Tears are threatening to spill on her cheeks as she’s in the air and realizes the amount of hatred she harbored for the three men. It’s moments like this that she wishes she wasn’t a hero.

It’s moments like this she is reminded, again, that things aren’t black and white. Most of them are shades of grey, specks of white here and there. Applied ethics is the most difficult thing in the world.

And she realizes she’s nothing but selfish in this moment.

So she decides to embrace it, only for a day. Or what has remained from it, anyway. The sky has turned crimson as the sun set, and the city seems relatively safe for another night.

She figures she’ll always have to grapple with the fear of someone she cares about so deeply being taken away, and she’ll always have the weight of the world on her shoulders.

She looks down at the city underneath, a whirlwind of flickering lights. How many people there are going through such rough times that they’d take the unclean paths just to fight for a higher purpose? Love.

A quote by Cesare Pavese, an italian writer,  pops into her mind: “ _Love is truly the great manifesto; the urge to be, to count for something, and if death shall come, to die valiantly, with acclamation._ ”

There will never be a moment without pressure, but she is _so_ tired of forcing herself to do the right thing.

So as selfish as it seems, she starts planning the date with Lena and decides to enjoy the upcoming week as much as possible, because after that she knows she’s going to have to cut it off.

A part of her tells her that maybe it won’t even be that amazing. Maybe it will be nothing but lukewarm, the thing with Lena, because Kara will always have somewhere to go, someone to save, she’ll have to lie to the dark haired woman, again and again.

But for now, the only thing she truly wants is to sink into Lena Luthor’s arms and lose herself against her lips- something she can now do, something she should have tried to do a long time ago.

///

All other thoughts vanish as soon as she enters Lena’s office. The thought of her emerald eyes is all that occupies Kara’s mind right now, as Lena’s seated in her dark chair, facing the window, the lickering lights beneath.

“Ashley, I thought I told you that you’re free to go home.” The dark haired woman says, not bothering to turn around.

“Advice you should take as well.” Kara approaches her chair and turns it around slightly, eliciting a small yelp from Lena.

“Kara, what are you doing here?” she gives her a surprised grin.

“I texted you.” She smiles, and she’s taken aback again by how ethereal Lena looks even with bags underneath those mesmerising eyes  “I figured you’d still be here, since you didn’t respond.”

“Is it that late already?” the dark haired woman checks her phone “wow, half past eleven. I had some work to do and lost track of time. I intended to only stay till ten.”

She gets up and stretches her neck as Kara sits down on the sofa. She notices the way Lena’s dark blue blouse rises up a bit, exposing her toned stomach as she puts back some files into an upper drawer. A smile graces her features at the thought of being lucky enough to spend time with such an amazing being, so devoted towards her goal.

And she both curses and thanks herself that she’s at least decided to allow herself a week of being more than friends with Lena. They haven’t discussed it yet, but both know they are. In a way it feels like they have been for a while. The two days’ prior kiss only made it physical.

She wishes she had more. She almost wishes she didn’t care enough about Lena, so that she’d be able to start something beautiful with her, without taking into consideration the eventual catastrophic ending.

When Lena turns around she finds Kara in front of her, the blonde taking her hand and guiding it to her shoulder, so she can sneak both her arms around her waist.

Lena stops talking, but the way she looks at her makes Kara’s stomach flip.

“Would it be cheesy to say that I’ve missed you? Even though it’s only been two days.” Kara grazes her cheek

Lena chuckles “Has that ever stopped  you?”

“I suppose not.” Kara whispers, and crashes her lips against Lena’s. She starts softly, then Lena entangles her fingers into Kara’s hair, eliminating any distance between them, and deepens the kiss.

It leaves Kara gasping for air at one point, linking their foreheads. Her fingers trace the outline of Lena’s lips and jawline, placing a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

The way Lena looks at her makes her want to cry. It makes her want to carve herself a place in her body and hide there forever. Smother herself in the love, lust and light that the woman represents for her.

She kisses her again, determination stronger on her behalf this time, and she feels Lena smiling into it. In a sudden burst of confidence she ends up pining Lena to the wall, and Lena puts her arms around her neck, both reveling in the warmth of each other’s bodies.

Sky blue hues lock with emerald ones and Kara doesn’t fail to notice how  blissful this moment is.

“Kara?” The inquiry is only above a whisper

“Yes?” she doesn’t risk raising her voice any higher

“Don’t break my heart, please.”

The words cut right through her chest and Lena’s pleading look almost hurts to witness. This is something she can’t bear to picture.  Lena Luthor, who’s been living her entire life trying to escape from the shadow of her family’s wickedness. Lena Luthor, for whom the word “family” has started to associate with the adjective “hollow”. Who still made efforts, in spite of all the odds that stood against her, to broaden her horizons, not to fall into the prejudices her family had, to bring nothing but kindness and progress to the world.

Lena Luthor, who actually felt responsible for things she shouldn’t and strived so hard to compensate for the evils her family has comitted.

Someone so strong asking for happiness- or at least be absolved from suffering- in such a delicate manner.

Kara tries to explain to her. She tries to say that she cannot promise her that. That Lena shouldn’t become too attached, because everything is always in a state of decay. She tries to apologize for what’s inevitable.

“I won’t, sweetheart.” Is instead what escapes her lips, and it feels like a promise now.

She hugs her tight, feeling Lena’s heartbeat, and the woman sighs contentedly.

They fall onto the couch, Lena having taken off her heels, cuddled up in Kara’s arms. The lights are turned off, for the most part, and Kara is enveloped by such a state of calm as Lena caresses her arms, tracing patterns into her palms.

It’s not long until Lena breaks the silence.

“What was your biggest dream as a child?” She  breaks from her embrace, so as to see Kara better, but still takes her hands into hers, toying with her fingers.

It takes a moment for Kara to think about it. Sometimes her memories from Krypton become  rather misty.

“I suppose being a knight.” She laughs, shaking her head “I was a bit of a mischief, believe it or not.”

Lena gasps excitedly “ _No!_ Do tell.”

“Well, I was a rather energetic kid. Pretty dresses and flowers weren’t enough for me.”

“You must have caused quite a bit of trouble to Alex and your mom.” Lena presumes

Kara’s face drops. “Actually, that was, um, that was before they adopted me.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t kno-“ she apologizes

“It’s alright, you couldn’t have.” Kara smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Lena tightens the grip on her hands supportively

“Maybe some other time?” Kara says, slightly embarrassed.  She doesn’t want to lie to Lena.

Lena understands. She nods, her face radiating kindness, and smiles comfortingly to Kara.

And that’s when Kara, in her turn, realises that the reality of her hurting the woman besides her y breaking her heart is far more  probable than her overwhelming anxiety of a potential kidnapping.

 “What was yours?”

“You’ll laugh at me” Lena presumes

Kara grins “I can’t promise you I won’t, but hey, at least I love laughing. So. Tell me, Lena Luthor, first of her name.” she squints her eyes dramatically

“I dreamed of dancing in the rain.” She admits, looking down at their intertwined fingers

“You’ve never danced in the rain?! How come?” Kara raises her  eyebrows

“Luthors.. That kind of misbehaving conduct wasn’t encouraged nor appreciated. And then, growing up, I suppose my ego became dominated by that concept of doing something reckless or immature somehow made me ‘less’ of a person. Sometimes it still is.”

The confession is followed by a moment of silence, because Kara feels that Lena’s not done yet.

“But I suppose, for what it’s worth, it was their mentality of self discipline and excellence that made me as dedicated and aware of myself as I am now.” She reveals “I can’t fully despise them for that.” She says dryly.

///

“Are you asleep, Kara?” Lena whispers, just having awoken from a peaceful slumber herself.

She tries to move her  right arm from underneath Kara, and it tingles. They must have fallen asleep on the couch. They talked about dreams and their favourite or least favourite pieces of art, and Kara’s passion for discovering new foods within different cultures. They talked and kissed and cuddled until the words became more and more lulling, quiet. And then silence overcame them.

She checks her phone, and it’s half past two.

Kara stirs in her sleep, slowly opening her eyes.

“Is this becoming a habit?” she asks, voice groggy, inhaling deeply

Lena laughs it off. She doesn’t think she would mind.

“I think we should get going.”

They both grab their coats and shake off  the sleepy state.

They decide to walk home. At least, Kara suggests that she accompanies Lena home, and since the city is not as crowded as during daylight, it’s actually relaxing.

They’ve walked maybe half the distance to Lena’s appartment when they feel wet specks on their cheeks. They assume the drizzle will pass quickly, as it often does in National City.

“I don’t think this is going to stop soon” Lena notices, swinging their entangled hands back and forth.  “I’ll call for a taxi. Or should I call Oliver, my driver?”

Kara smirks, an idea popping into her head.

“How about you don’t call either?”

Lena quirks an eyebrow. “Your point being?”

“That we do something you’ve never done.” She is mischievously grinning now

“Kara Danvers.” Lena stops in her steps, looking at her straight in the eyes. “I think I know what you’re planning, and let me tell you, the answer is ‘no’.” she doesn’t notice how the rain is getting richer “if you think I’m going to risk both of our health by running home in the rain-“

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence, as heavy drops of rain are now falling upon them.

Lena yelps, looking upwards. “Really?!”

Kara laughs at the annoyance on her face.

“This is fate!” she shouts in the deserted streets, spinning on her feet once.

Her laughter is contagious to Lena. Her eyes are almost sparkling, even just in the clarity of the street signs and low street lights. Her blue eyes reflecting the churning light of a bottomless pool.

  _“My blue”she thinks._

She still crosses her arms, but doesn’t take any action to call for anyone.

*the song “High Hopes” by Kodaline will be featured in this scene. Listen to it for a better reading experience if you can.*

“Come on, beautiful!” Kara offers her hand “May I have this one dance?” she grins

The dark haired woman’s heart flips and she reluctantly, but enchantedly so, takes the blonde’s hand.

The rain is pouring by now. She’s already convinced by the time she gets home she will be soaked.  She thanks the Lord her hair is up in a ponytail, at least that will stay in place.

“Wait, I have a good song for this.” Kara takes out her phone, typing in something for a moment. She then turns the volume up and puts it back into her pocket.

The first few chords of the song start, and Lena can’t help but laugh, slightly embarrassed. She thinks it’s the effect of her upbringing in such a cold, serious household.

“What if people see us? ” she asks Kara, seconds before the lyrics start, her arms locked around Kara’s neck, the blonde’s arms on her waist.

“So what if they do?” Kara reassures “It’s not like anyone would be sane enough to walk on the street in such rain. And even if they do, I’m sure they’ve seen weirder things.”

_But I've got high hopes_

_It takes me back to when we started_

_High hopes_

_When you let it go go out and start again_

_High hopes_

_When it all comes to an end_

_But the world keeps spinning around_

The dance is slow, not something Lena would have pictured in her childhood –definitely not in the arms of another woman- but it’s nevertheless better; more significant.

They are enveloped in rain and she caresses a few locks of blonde hair out of Kara’s eyes.

They both start laughing as Kara even spins her on her feet.

“Just enjoy the moment.” She whispers against Lena’s lips

“I am. And you’re so beautiful.” Lena responds.

“Never let me go.” Kara finally whispers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo guys. so. i'm back. after a few months of not knowing what to do with this story, i now kind of know.   
> hope you enjoyed.  
> also i hope things aren't too rushed. especially in the dancing scene. keep in mind they've been basically in love with each other for some time now, but just never said anything to each other BECAUSE THEYRE DUMB IDIOTS WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART.   
> have a lovely day/night.  
> let me know if you liked this. :)

**Author's Note:**

> There's a second part of them watching Harry Potter and stuff. Let me know if I should post it. 
> 
> find me on tumblr: resilienthopes  
> twitter: halseyxkristen
> 
> Happy pride, y'all.


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